By Angel Simmons
I cut my own wrists on the jagged pieces of your brokenness. In my excitement, I confused your intentions with your actions- even though they rarely lined up. I mistook your desire as evidence of your healing to move us forward. But your desire was just that… it wasn’t even really for me. While I longed for you, you constantly left me wondering, jumping through imaginary hoops to prove my devotion while you lived life as if I didn’t exist. I had in fact entrusted my heart to a wounded animal, one refusing to allow me close enough to permeate the darkness that held you captive.
I thought you would cherish me, but you were incapable of even protecting me from whatever thing ate away at your soul. I thought we were building a life together, but instead the same hands that grabbed at me passionately in the dawn were violently tearing away at the foundation brick by brick. I thought I meant something of tremendous value to you, but my investment never yielded its reciprocal or even proper return. And though I’d quickly and without hesitation give my very last breath for you or your seed, I am almost certain that you don’t love me; for love requires a definitive system of responses drenched in compassion, respect, service and honor- of which I’ve been privy to none.
Nevertheless, I watch you bleeding out with tears in my eyes, praying for your divine recovery and restoration. And with bandaged wrists, I will still embrace you when you’re ready to let me in; for there is no darkness strong enough to dim the light of love that burns in me. I am my Father’s daughter, boldly declaring that love never fails… no matter how many times WE seem to fail IT.
Love alone empowers me to keep standing- my scars the very proof that I can both walk through and survive the darkness. I wait in great hope and expectancy for your enlightenment and for your heart to be flooded with light. Only then can you truly begin to see the damage done and be moved to make amends for it. And there, in faith, you will find me again with open arms ready to walk this path with you.
November 22, 2015